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Saturday, April 15, 2006
I have to start off commmenting on the BoB 2005 DVD that Stigmata gave me today. This thing is so professionally done that it's unbelieveable. It had to have taken a ton of hours to put together. The music is even outstanding with Eddie Money, The Boss and AC/DC, among others. After watching it I now realize why Stigmata snickers every time I miss my initial attempt at a layup. Well done Stig and thanks for the copy. /// The day today started in dense fog and with a wet court. Luckily, Hamhocks had NC out squeegeeing the Blacktop from 7-10 am and it wasn't in too bad a shape when we got there. The J-Man showed up in formal attire due to his disabled list status, sucked down a 10:30 am Bud and was gone. The teams were: Me, Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright, Hamhocks, Bueller and Chainsaw versus Little Joe Cartwright, Paulo, Stigmata The Hustler, NC and The Assassin. Bueller came out on fire and led his team to victory in game 1. Unfortunately, as Bueller cooled off so did his team, losing the next 5 in a row before winning another. Down 5-2, but finally having another win, I was ready to wrap it up on a high note. Jose The MVP wanted another game though and, as we all know, Ben always gets what he wants. So, we ended up with a 2-6 record on the day. Unfortunately, that also means that Stigmata The Hustler was 6-2 on the day. As usual, The Assassin was a general nuisance out on the court, continually getting in on the rebounding action or harassing anybody else from the other team who got one. Jose The MVP had a little trouble discerning his teammates from his opponents, frequently outletting to the other team after he had gotten a nice rebound. I think that we should petition The Commissioner for uniforms so we can tell each other apart, if anybody can find The Commissioner. After playing, Hamhocks cooked food for 20. Discussions centered on Jose The MVP's protege's fascination with "swirling" at the high school. Bueller discussed his crack addict sometimes-girlfriend and everybody said bad stuff about Spec and Bingo. Hamhocks advised that Bingo said that he'd be making his debut at the Blacktop next week. We'll see. As far as Spec is concerned, we can only SPECulate.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
established March 29th, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Let's start today's article off with a few teasers. Which local high school backcourt is having some problems of late? While one of the guards, who is supposed to be going to a Division I school in September, is trying to end a life, the other guard, who's a "nice little player," is allegedly starting a new person's life. You figure it out, but I have it from some solid confidential informants of Hamhocks'. /// Which Blacktopper reportedly is in so much fear of a Black Ops mission at his expense that he eloped to Las Vegas with his significant other this weekend? /// Name another Blacktopper who, rather than coming to play today, was drinking Budweisers at 9 am and then went to play in a poker tournament? /// Enough of the brainteasers, let's report on today's action. Nine Blacktoppers showed up to play today. The nine were composed of myself, Hamhocks, NC, Ben "Jose The MVP" Cartwright, Adam Cartwright, Paulo, The Assassin, Chainsaw and, back after a long absence, Brian The Backcracker. The Backcracker was in the height of basketball fashion wearing a bookie's visor backwards on his head, sunglasses, watch and sleeveless vest while playing. In what I initially thought was some type of racist comment by Paulo, Brian's name was shortened to just Cracker early in the proceedings. As the games began it also began raining ashes from the sky. It became immediately apparent that Hamhocks' next-door neighbor was trying to smoke us out by lighting a fire on his property and making sure that the wind blew the black, acrid smoke directly onto the Blacktop. It didn't deter the Blacktoppers, who continued play regardless of the fact that many of them were choking from the smoke. Unfortunately, any of our next chest X-rays are sure to show that we now have blacklung and the respiratory systems of men who have toiled in the coal mines for decades. Regardless, numerous games were played. Jose The MVP, bad back and all, was a monster on the offensive boards all day. The Assassin was offensive period, either retrieving rebounds himself or harassing the person, besides himself, who ultimately got one. Hamhocks advised me at one point that I was 3 for 3 on the day shooting. Armed with that information I decided to up my offensive output, eventually ending the day with 3 for 25 shooting from the field. Evidently, Hamhocks' strategy of inflating my ego worked. I think I further alienated my teammate, Adam Cartwright, when I began implementing my new fake the shot and pass the ball to the other team concept. I'd practiced this move all winter in the mirror at home and figured that I'd unveil it at the Blacktop today. After the 7th or 8th turnover I began to get the feeling that Adam had had about enough. So what did I do then? I tried the fake the shot and pass the ball to the other team a few more times, which in turn led to a number of fast breaks by our opponents. At that point I decided to shelve the move until next week. /// I'm also trying to figure out what the common denominator is in the fact that everybody that I guard on defense scores like a bugger. One week The Assassin scored about 5 or 6 baskets in a row while I was assigned to guard him. Today, my teammate, Jose The MVP, decided to change things up a little and have me take Paulo for a while. Paulo immediately went on a scoring spree, hitting like 6 shots in a row from all over. I can't figure out what it is that allows my opponents to score so often when I'm guarding them. I guess I'm just a victim of circumstance. /// There were a number of times today when The Cracker amazed everybody with his uncanny ability to soar so high that he's actually shooting down at the basket. The man can get up and that's all there is to it. /// After play subsided for the day, the talk courtside was basically more badmouthing of Spec and Bingo, just like last week. Hamhocks reported that he had actually seen Bingo this week and that Mr. Shea had some strong suggestions for Bueller regarding the predicament with his heroin using, pot smoking, line sniffing girlfriend. Bingo said that when he dated Fall River chicks with drug problems like that, back in the day, he used to enjoy humiliating them after the physical proceedings. Bingo told Hammy that Bueller should follow his lead from the old days and leave DNA samples all over the young lady's body when he's done with her and while she's in her drug induced stupor. Bingo further advised Hamhocks that he took particular pleasure in dropping a deuce on the female Fall River druggie's chest when he was done with her and highly recommended that Bueller implement this move the next time he's with his drug addicted squeeze. Oh yeah, that Bingo is a real charmer, but he is speaking to Bueller as the voice of experience. /// Spec, we all certainly missed you again today. The Cracker couldn't remember who you even were. When somebody said that you used to be able to shoot at one time, The Cracker thought we were talking about J-Man. When it was explained to The Cracker that we were talking about the ugly guy, with no mustache, who works for Cisco Systems, The Cracker exclaimed, "Oh yeah, I remember him. He wasn't too good anyway." We all heartily agreed with The Cracker and agreed to get together again next week and badmouth you some more when we're done playing.